Wu Fei Chang, Miss USA
by Sapphire Skye
Summary: When the Fox Network hears how Amber and Leiko are trying to make Wufei into the next Miss USA, They give them their own show. Unfortunatly, The girl have to get Wu Fei verry drunk before they can get to work. Rated Pg13, for drugs, alcohol, and weirdness
1. Series Premiere! Gundam Pilot to Miss US...

Disclaimer: Um.geez...I don't own Gundam Wing.Or Fox, which does NOT broadcast any type of crap.It only broadcasts quality family entertainment *COUGH!* Or Destiny's Child. Or the song "Independent Women. Pt. 1"  
  
A/N: This came from a 3:00 AM Roleplay.so if it seems a bit odd.yeah. Anyways.The basic premise for this is, Me and My Friend Leiko are trying to make Wufei into Miss USA. Duo-kins, being the Sweetheart that he is, is helping us. Fox, eating up this story up, decided to give us some camera to film it! Here is the FIRST episode of Gundam Pilot to Miss USA: Dream Come True.  
  
A/N2: Um.some things to understand. Since this is our own little Roleplay universe.some relationships to keep in hand  
  
Leiko Yuy-Maxwell: Heero's sister, Duo's Wife  
  
Amber Bloom-Winner: Trowa's cousin, Quatre's Wife. And the Abbreviation "oms" Stands for "Oh My Shinigami" Quite obvious where that comes from. The little Stars around certain phrases, means an action is taking place, just in case you didn't know. Q-powers, I snap, whatever I want to happen.Happens. Now, I hope you enjoy!  
  
Announcer: AND NOW! From the basement of some secluded location, He's Gundam Pilot to Miss USA!  
  
Wu Fei: *walks in* All right, what the hell did you want?  
  
Amber: Here, Wu Fei, drink this! *gives him straight liquor*  
  
Leiko: *snickers*  
  
Amber: *whispers to Leiko* We're going to have to make him REALLY drunk for 4 weeks, aren't we?  
  
Duo: Chug chug chug!  
  
Leiko: *whispers back* Yeah...*snickers*  
  
Wu Fei: *drinks it* *slurred* I'm sturting to fleel a bits lit-hided....  
  
Leiko: goody ^^ you're supposed to feel that way  
  
Wu Fei: welp, isn't that nice...*falls off the barstool*  
  
Leiko: *snickers evilly*  
  
Amber: Hey, he's knocked out! Even better!  
  
Leiko: Mmmhm  
  
Leiko: *goes over and picks him up*  
  
Amber: Duo, go get that metal pole and the duct tape..  
  
Duo: Uh.okay...*gets a metal pole and duct tape*  
  
Amber: now get that other pole..  
  
Duo: *gets the other pole*  
  
Amber: *super glues the first pole to the ground, and the other one* Heero's going to be so pissed at us...  
  
Duo: Now what mistress? *major sweatdrop*  
  
Leiko: *snickers*  
  
Amber: Go get me some more liquor, for when he gets sober! We'll be here a while!  
  
Duo: *gets another 5 more bottles of the liquor*  
  
Amber: *duct tapes Wu Fei's hand to the pole and the other hand on the other pole, does the same to his feet*  
  
Leiko: *watches in amusement*  
  
Amber: All Right...here's where q-powers get to be fun! Duo, you're going to be a scribe, all right?  
  
Duo: A wha? *scratches back of head*  
  
Amber: *hands him a notepad and pen* When i tell you something, write it down...Can you WRITE?  
  
Duo: Uhh...I think so  
  
Amber: Braided baka.  
  
Leiko: *sweatdrop*  
  
Amber: *shakes head* I've been around Heero to long..  
  
Leiko: I'll write -.- *takes the notepad and pen*  
  
Amber: All Right.  
  
Duo: Eheheh....  
  
Amber: Now...military style, I yell your name you yell back Ma'am, yes Ma'am! And I'll give you orders..  
  
Duo: o.o; Okay...Just don't damage my ears  
  
Amber: Now...*walks around Wu Fei* LEIKO!  
  
Leiko: Ma'am, yes ma'am....¬¬  
  
Amber: Arrange for Wu Fei here to have 4 appointments with Hans a week...Too fat.We have 4 weeks to make him Miss America!  
  
Leiko: *scribbles that down*  
  
Amber: *looks at his nails* Send him to Anita as well!  
  
Leiko: *scribbles that down as well*  
  
Amber: All Right...now...Clothing?  
  
Leiko: *looks at Wufei* His color... Red...or pink....?  
  
Duo: *snickers*  
  
Amber: Pink...better for blackmail.  
  
Leiko: *grins evilly* Okay, wait, purple....even worse.  
  
Amber: even worse?  
  
Leiko: Yeah, you know what purple MEANS...?  
  
Amber: I'd say rainbow...more...  
  
Leiko: *snickers evilly* Rainbow, that would win it. Okay....Mini dress.....spaghetti strap....?  
  
Amber: *looks at his hair* UGH...okay...shall we go with a wig, or style it? And i don't know, wash it for...i don't know...the first time? *looks at her* Uhh. Miniskirt and a spaghetti strap shirt.  
  
Leiko: okay...Um wait...What we could do with his hair...What color, first of all?  
  
Amber: Blonde?  
  
Leiko: mmkay *dyes Wu Fei's hair blonde* All Right...  
  
Amber: *giggles*  
  
Leiko: His hair's already in a ponytail...  
  
Amber: that's good...  
  
Leiko: *yanks at his hair to move it* so...greasy.  
  
Amber: But i think we need extensions..  
  
Leiko: We need a de-greaser.  
  
Amber: Do you think Miranda could handle washing it?  
  
Leiko: Yeah....hopefully  
  
Amber: Schedule an appointment every day for him...  
  
Leiko: *Jots that down*  
  
Amber: His hair's probably got so many split ends...  
  
Leiko: *heart skips a few beats at the thought* I need inspiration music...*snaps Just Communication to play quietly in the background*  
  
Amber: You think Miranda can add extensions and style it for the actual competition?  
  
Leiko: Yep  
  
Amber: Miranda rocks.Oh crap..  
  
Leiko: I was thinking though....maybe have his hair in a bun...then have the ends of the hair sticking up sorta like spikes...what?  
  
Amber: Well...we need him drunk to do this...if we send him out on that stage drunk...  
  
Leiko: We could convince him somehow  
  
Amber: Eee..but if we send him out sober.I know! We're going to have to be getting him drunk anyways...we'll time how long it take for him to get sober...and we'll get him drunk enough to transport him, and then we'll tell him it's a dream and if he doesn't we'll send the nightmares of...of Women defeating him in fights!  
  
Duo: *snickers evilly at the thought*  
  
Leiko: Yeah, that would work  
  
Amber: YES!  
  
Leiko: *grins evilly*  
  
Amber: Now...bun idea, that's good make a note for Miranda.  
  
Leiko: mmhm *jots it down*  
  
Amber: um...do you have the intercepted letter of what types of competitions there will be?  
  
Leiko: Ehhh....No....^^;  
  
Amber: damnit...Duo, go intercept a letter...  
  
Duo: *mutters* Yes ma'am....*goes off to get a letter*  
  
Amber: I think now would be an opportune time for the commercial break.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Announcer: Have you ever wished you could see Heero Yuy cry or beg? See Wu Fei Chang prance around in pretty dresses? See Duo Maxwell with his braid caught in million of different places? See Quatre Winner pour hot tea on himself? Or see countless numbers of Trowa Barton's circus bloopers? Now you can have all these Gundam Wing Bloopers and more! As featured on Gundam Wing's Funniest Home Videos, this collection has the most priceless moments from it, plus NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE! Footage included on this tape includes "Tetherball Trowa"  
  
*Trowa is walking on the tightrope with his hands, juggling torches with his feet. One falls, burns the rope, and Trowa, holding onto the rope, goes swing around the pole like a tetherball.*  
  
And Cracker Jackass!  
  
*Duo's pouring cracker jacks into his mouth and swallows the prize, choking.*  
  
You can have ALL these and more if you Order Operation Embarrass the G- Boiz. You can have this remarkable collection on two Cassettes or two DVDs for the low price of 25 dollars! Call 1-800-RDFC-GBY!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
3 hours later  
  
Duo: *comes back with the letter*  
  
Amber: What Took you?! Wu Fei's starting to wake up...  
  
Duo: Sorry, ma'am *mutters*  
  
Wu Fei: Look at the blue kangaroos!!  
  
Leiko: uhhh....you sure he's starting to wake up? It sorta sounds more like he's high o.0;  
  
Amber: *looks at him...* i don't know...Duo what did you put in that alcohol?  
  
Duo: ...*grins innocently* Nothing...alcohol  
  
Amber: Duo....  
  
Leiko: *major sweatdrop*  
  
Duo: Whaaaat? All I put in was alcohol...*hides a broad grin*  
  
Amber: He got into Trowa's cocaine stash again.  
  
Leiko: o.o;;  
  
Amber: What, you think Trowa's that laid back naturally?  
  
Leiko: Lotsa secrets being revealed here...Trowa uses cocaine? No wonder he's so...out-of-here....  
  
Amber: Wait until I tell you what I found in Heero's bedroom...er...not here...*motions to the camera*  
  
Leiko: *turns the camera off for a second* Tell!  
  
Amber: whisper whisper  
  
Leiko: ....  
  
Amber: hehe...Heero has a notebook full of LOVE POEMS  
  
Leiko: o.o;;; That he wrote?  
  
Amber: He's quite good  
  
Leiko: oooo *snickers*  
  
Amber: *looks over at Duo*  
  
Duo: ....Whaaat? o.0;  
  
Amber: And you know why Quatre likes tea so much?  
  
Leiko: Why?? o.o  
  
Amber: It's not made with tea leaves...it's made with...*looks around and whispers* weeeeeeed  
  
Leiko: *falls over laughing hysterically* Any secrets about Duo I should know? *grins evilly*  
  
Duo: Ehh...*sweatdrop*  
  
Amber: hmmm...oh yeah...Duo was stalking you before ya'll went out..  
  
Leiko: o.0;; *whisper* even when he was out with Demon? o.o;  
  
Amber: *nods* Had a big old notebook full of your used gum and wrappers, crushed cans, trash...he's a sicko he is.  
  
Leiko:.....ewww...o.0;  
  
Amber: but i think he's sane now.  
  
Duo: *blink blink* Whaaa....  
  
Amber: And Wu Fei...well...Wu Fei...*looks at him* He's going to be Miss America. Usually i don't have to make him drink alcohol to do this..  
  
Leiko: *twitches*...*falls over laughing hysterically*  
  
Duo: *has to sit down to keep himself from falling over laughing*  
  
Wufei: *sways head to imaginary beat and sings* all my women, who independent, throw your hands up at me!  
  
Leiko: ...oms.....*ROFLMAO*  
  
Duo: *almost falls backwards on his chair from laughing*  
  
Amber: *blinks* Duo...Thwack him...make him go back to sleep...  
  
Duo: Awww...this is entertaining...  
  
Amber: We have work to do!  
  
Duo: *mutters* Damnit *thwacks Wufei*  
  
Amber: I'll let you listen to him when we're done..  
  
Wufei: OOOOWWW Mommy, the pink pony kicked me in the he...goodnight...*gets knocked out*  
  
Amber: This is going to make more money that the tapes of Heero begging and crying.anyways...let's turn the camera back on and...Leiko?  
  
Leiko: *turns the camera back on* Hai?  
  
Amber: The camera...was already on...the little blinking red record light was on..  
  
Leiko: it was?  
  
Amber: we just revealed the boys biggest secrets to the world..  
  
Leiko: O.O;;  
  
Duo: .......  
  
Amber: we're dead...we're dead...we're dead....we're dead...  
  
Leiko: No we aren't...We're Goddesses....We're immortal  
  
Amber: We're gonna be in pain, gonna be in pain...gonna be in pain...KIBOUMEGAMI GODDESS OF HOPE...FEREVERRRR!  
  
Duo: You're gonna be begging not to be immortal by the time us guys get through with you....  
  
Leiko: ;-; Duuooo....You wouldn't hurt meeee  
  
Amber: Maybe duo wouldn't...But Heero sure as hell won't refrain..  
  
Leiko: o.o;; Awww come on....I'm his sister....he wouldn't hurt meeee....wait, Is this being aired right now? o.0;;  
  
Amber: um...yeah...*waves tot he people*  
  
Leiko: ...shit x.x Cause if it wasn't we could have edited it out ;-;  
  
Duo: *mutters*  
  
Amber: it's a fox special "Gundam Pilot to Miss USA" Because you know Fox will air any piece of crap tat comes along..  
  
Leiko: oooo I hope they have censors....  
  
Amber: *blinks* i'm ON fox right now aren't i?  
  
Leiko: *snickers*  
  
Duo: *smacks his forehead* Dumb blond...  
  
Wu Fei: I LIKE FOXES....funny tails...swish swish swish....whooo ohhhhh whoooo ohhhhh  
  
Leiko: Heeeyyyy......I'm blond tooo Duo....  
  
Duo: True, but I never said you were a DUMB blond  
  
Leiko: Oh ya o.o;  
  
Amber: He's awake...maybe we should just...quit while we're ahead? and just...end this show...right now...  
  
Leiko: okay  
  
Amber: finish tonight's episode...tomorrow?  
  
Leiko: Yeah.  
  
click  
  
Starring: Wufei Chang Leiko Yuy-Maxwell Amber Bloom-Winner and that braided guy  
  
Produced by: some guys  
  
Directed by: No one  
  
Written by: Someone who has no life  
  
To see more Action from these idiots, check out the webcam! (next chapter!) 


	2. The FIRST webcam Broadcast!

Disclaimer: I own nothing besides myself, Leiko own herself.that's it. this it the "webcam" at fox.com.So um, yeah. It seems a bit stupid, well.hyperness and tiredness together it's kinda screweded.so here's the first webcam broadcast!  
  
  
  
Leiko: *smashes the camera to bits to make sure it's off*  
  
Amber: HEY!  
  
Duo: So violent....  
  
Leiko: ^^ We'll get a new camera Amber, dont worry. One that actually turns off when it's told to  
  
Amber: *gulps*  
  
Leiko: ...  
  
Amber: My hubby and my cousin are going to kill my when i reveal that i told the world about their drug problems..  
  
Leiko: Oh God....I think....I hear...the other guys coming  
  
Amber: Uh oh...were they.watching it?  
  
Leiko: I dont think they'd miss watching Wu Fei being turned into Miss USA  
  
Amber: uh oh.*jumps in a barrel*  
  
Leiko: *dives behind....something*  
  
Heero: *comes in with a pissed look on his face*  
  
Trowa: Where are they?  
  
Quatre: MY boyish innocence is gone!  
  
Heero: They know I'm emotional now!  
  
Trowa: They know I can't space out without the help of cocaine!  
  
Wufei: Pretty dresses...  
  
Heero: Totally ruined my fierce tough guy attitude!  
  
Trowa: There goes my mysterious silent guy routine..  
  
Leiko: *tries to hold her breath so they cant hear her*  
  
Quatre: I've LOST my boyish innocence..  
  
Heero: Hmmm....Where oh where could....oh great....Duo.....  
  
Duo: o.0; yes, everyone rejoice? oh great me?  
  
Amber:*just remembered about the webcam so people could go on fox.com and watch what happens down here afterwards*  
  
Trowa: Where's my cousin?  
  
Quatre: Where's my wife?  
  
Wufei: Where's my blue kangaroooooo?  
  
Heero: Where's my sister?  
  
Amber: *starts laughing at Wu Fei*  
  
Trowa: Over there!  
  
Trowa and Quatre: *pull Amber out of the barrel*  
  
Leiko: *whispers* Eep...  
  
Heero: Aha! My sister's over there! *points to the something that she dove behind*  
  
Leiko: *mutters* damnit...  
  
Amber: damn, he's got good hearing..  
  
Leiko: Duh....  
  
Amber: self-destructing FREAK!  
  
Heero: *grabs Amber but the scruff of her shirt and drags her around, giving her rug burn* *does his maniac laugh* Aahahhaa....Ahahahaha...AHAHAHAHAA!!!!  
  
Trowa and Quatre: What were you doing telling the world our secrets like that?  
  
Amber: *screams*  
  
Leiko: We thought the camera was off...;-;  
  
Trowa: well, you were wrong..  
  
Quatre: and now you will pay  
  
Leiko: I turned it off myself -.-; Hn...*mutters* Bring it  
  
Amber: *thinks some fox executive planned this*  
  
Trowa and Quatre: Err...well...you'll pay...with GUILT! *walk back upstairs*  
  
Leiko: *major sweatdrop*  
  
Amber: Leiko...a little help here?  
  
Wu Fei: Bye Bye little bunnies..  
  
Leiko: Heero, my bro, calm down, sit down and have a few luxurious drinks! *snickers*  
  
Wu Fei: Try the orange, it's dericious!  
  
Heero: *mutters, but keeps dragging Amber around*  
  
Leiko: *sigh*  
  
Amber: *kicks up and kicks Heero hand* stupid baka! *runs*  
  
Heero: *pulls out his gun*  
  
Amber: Eep..  
  
Leiko: Gash *tackles Heero down, knocking the gun out of his hands*  
  
Amber: *grabs the gun*  
  
Heero: *kicks her off of him*  
  
Amber: *shoots out the webcam* HAH! no more! 


End file.
